So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
