It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
