We should be called the Road Head Warriors
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
