Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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