I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
