I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
