He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
