I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have feelings that need drinking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
