She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
