How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
