I wish i was in the wii world.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
