you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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