in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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