Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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