Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
