apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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