the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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