some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
