wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my shit smells like andre
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
