How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
