these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
