I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
