just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
