just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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