The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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