you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
