How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
