the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
