i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
