How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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