Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
