I hate all girls vehemently.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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