Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
