Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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