i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
