I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
