I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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