He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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