I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
