Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
