I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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