he wants to bone in the snuggie
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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