I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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