I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
