can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone came in the potted fern
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
