I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
