I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
