sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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