Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
