Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
