Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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