Got a toothbrush?
we have pet lesbian snakes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
