recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
