Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
