Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
