I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you.
Bad choice
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
